There was a time when I wanted the Priesthood. It wasn't when I first converted, since I didn't even know what it could do for me. It wasn't when my husband's service in the bishopric kept him at church for seven hours every Sunday and for several hours throughout the week. (The rest of us went home for dinner and lunch and he was stuck there with trail mix.) It sure wasn't while I was pregnant. (Hey! I have enough to deal with right now!) Attending church and temple ceremonies posed a challenge since they required sitting, standing and maybe kneeling and all I wanted to do was lie down. I had trouble just receiving Priesthood ordinances, to say nothing of administering them.
My wanting the Priesthood had nothing to do with feeling like my job wasn't important enough (I am a mother!) or hard enough. (I am a mother!) It had everything to do with fairness, for my husband. When I first converted, I lived in a house with two non-member men. (Relatives.) No Priesthood in the home. And I didn't mind at first. As I became acquainted with the Priesthood power, I began to wish to have the blessings more often. Living in a home without Priesthood is like living in a house with no kitchen. If you want a meal, you have to go out and get it, or arrange to have it brought to you.
When I married my super amazing husband, it was like having a professional-grade kitchen that was always open, with a five-star chef on staff. I could have a blessing any time I wanted or needed one. After my third miscarriage it was, "I miss our baby so much and my heart is breaking. Please, help me." And he gave me a blessing that comforted and healed me. When he couldn't find work it was, "I can't sleep because I feel so anxious and feel that Heavenly Father has forgotten me. Will you give me a blessing?" And he gave a wonderful blessing that brought me peace. He told me my Heavenly Father was mindful of me and gave me counsel for some struggles that I had never mentioned to anyone. I knew my Father had not forgotten me and would surely keep all his promises.
There is no question that I am the number one beneficiary of my husband's priesthood, but what about him? He lost his babies too and his heart was breaking. He was the one out of work and constantly under pressure to support our family. Where is his blessing? I don't know. Call the neighbors. For him, the kitchen is closed. Sounds cruel, doesn't it? My feelings about this situation can be understood by my relating the following story.
When my love and I were first married, my husband's brother was serving a mission in Texas and experiencing some serious challenges. This troubled my husband greatly because he and his brother were close. My husband wanted so badly to help his little brother and could do nothing.The feeling of helplessness frustrated and discouraged him. I saw my husband's grief and wished I could offer him a blessing. But I couldn't. He was unable to help his brother and I was unable to help him, and we both sat down and cried.
You could argue that there are other ways to help my husband, but it's still unfair. It's just as unfair as fathers not feeling labor pains during childbirth. You could argue that there are other ways my husband can help during labor, but come on! Why is all the discomfort on me? It's his baby too. Unfair? Maybe not. We each have a journey we have to take. Sometimes we have to see others in pain, knowing that we can't take it away-- we are not Jesus Christ. But I can help my husband through his pain, and he can help me through mine. We can all help each other by doing what we can do.
For instance, I can't give my husband a blessing, but I can call someone for him. It turns out to be a matter of convenience. Yes, he had to wait fifteen extra minutes before getting his blessing, but he still got it. There are other perks too. My love got to receive a blessing from his friend, and that strengthened their friendship. Since they are both dads, they can relate to each other, in many ways better than I can.
My hubby needs my love and support; he needs the respect and approval of his woman. I don't need the priesthood to give him that. I know that my husband loves me. I don't need to be the ONLY ONE who can help him be happy. I am just glad that he is. We help each other along, and that is fair.
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