How to Give Advice So People Will Listen

 The short answer is, give less of it.

Everyone has (or ought to have) an advice filter that allows only advice they want or are interested in. If you hurl advice constantly, most of it will bounce off. And too much will cause overload and system shut down, causing even helpful advice to fall by the wayside.

Conversely, withholding advice until you know it's wanted will not only allow you to generously help somebody now, but also open the way for future advice-giving opportunities. Because you were helpful this time, they'll seek you out later when they have a question.

Giving advice WITHOUT establishing a need can create problems in communication and even relationships. Unsought advice is usually based on assumptions. First, that a problem exists, and second, that the person involved needs YOUR help to solve it.

Avoid assumptions and ASK. Ask if it’s a problem, and if they want help. They might be totally fine and you can talk about fun things like lollipops and river rafting instead of tough challenges.

The best way to make your wisdom more sought after is to give less of it

One thing I’ve noticed about advice, is that the more experienced the person, the less likely they are to give it. Because they are experienced, they get it. They know that in some situations, advice won’t help. They know that experience is a great teacher and so in non-emergencies, they’ll forego the blah, blah. blahs and let you learn from your own experiences. 

Now pay attention because this is important. If you give me advice I don’t want, I might guess that you’re inexperienced, and therefore, not much worth listening to. In this way, giving advice decreases your credibility. 

On the other hand, if you listen and offer actual help, I will guess that you have experience and I may even ask you for your wisdom. Imagine that!


People give me advice all the time and, usually, I don't want it very much. It's like a bad Christmas gift. You don't want it. You don't want to be rude. You don't want to give it to anyone else.

Some of my favorite examples relate to parenting. It seems like everybody wants to fix you, or your kids or your parenting style when, most of the time, there is not a real, existing problem. (Even "naughty" kids usually grown up to be wonderful, caring adults.)

I have an answer for unwanted parental advisers.


I don’t want your advice. I’d rather hear about how rotten your kids are so that I know I’m not the only one incapable of hypnotizing my kids into perfect obedience. In other words, I’d rather be validated than fixed.

My advice on giving advice: Don’t

Now, please don’t get me wrong. We all have problems and solutions are wonderful. However, before you offer one, try the following:

Be sure your friend WANTS your solution.

“Yeah, I agree it’s a problem. I’m also a responsible, intelligent and literate adult with Internet access and a pediatrician. I think I can figure this one out. Thanks.”

Recognize that not every problem can be solved.

If someone has lost a loved one, no amount of advice is going to bring them back. There will be grief and sadness and advice will not take it away. 

Self-Evaluation

Are you wanting to provide needed assistance or to sound important? Can you offer it tactfully? Advice can often come across as judgmental or patronizing. It may insult the person’s abilities and once you do that, they’ll never want to listen to you.    No one wants to feel attacked.

Be certain there's a problem and that it's serious.

Hey! Most of life’s little difficulties are more funny than anything else. Especially if kids are involved. If I tell a story about some serious naughtiness involving a roll of toilet paper, a paintbrush and a jar of honey, just laugh. (Unless it’s on your carpet, in which case I’d be more understanding if you didn’t crack a smile.) And sticking panty liners all over the window is pretty minor. Now if he were trying to JUMP out the window, we’d be worried. 

Be certain it's not already solved.

Just because it was a problem doesn’t mean it’s still a problem. It’s annoying when a kid paints glitter glue on your walls and furniture but it’s not a huge deal. It comes off with nail polish remover.

And Finally…

How to tell if someone doesn’t want your advice and they’re just being polite because you started talking and they don’t want to be the one to tell you to shut your pie hole already and thereby create an awkward silence

If they…

Squirm and change the subject

Listen with patience instead of interest

Fold arms across chest

Get comfortable

Appear to be amused by you

Respond with, “Uh-huh”

Argue

Say “I already…”

Don’t ask clarifying questions like “And how did you…?”

Say, “Please stop talking.”
Start writing their Last Will and Testament

Sigh

Look really bored

Start playing on their phone

Leave the room

Fall asleep

Say, “Oh, look at the time!”

Suddenly start dancing

Break out in song

Throw up

Hide in the bathroom

Repeatedly say, “You’re so right.”

Now you know. All this time, I have been secretly making your sentences more grammatical instead of internalizing your gems of wisdom. And you’ve been doing the same for me. Cheers.

8 Years Married, 8 Years Happy

I love my husband! He's so nice to me! He's also tall, and talented, patient and passionate, happy and hilarious, genial and generous. I could go on all day.

I couldn't do without him. However, to avoid making all other women jealous, I'll just share the video.

Click to watch.

Why We're Jealous of Tall People

 In response to my super amazing post on the challenges presented by longer bones, a good friend suggested I tell the other side, how amazing it is to be tall.

For Your Enjoyment

It is cool to be tall because...

You almost never look up into anybody's nostrils.

Tall people don't usually block your view.

You can reach over the dishwasher to the cupboard behind it and unload. I still think that's stupid design though.

You can see what' s on top of the fridge.

You can reach high limbs when climbing trees.

You can open right and left side car doors at once. Don't know why you'd ever want to but you can.

 You can dress in drag convincingly. Don't know why... ditto, ditto.

You'll be taller than your kids for a long, long time.

When everyone else is swimming, you can still be walking.

When you give hugs, you almost never smell anybody's armpits.

You get a great view of bald spots and combovers. I'm not sure that's a benefit, actually.

It's hard for small children to put frosting in your hair.

You can find a precarious balance in which neither your head nor your feet are hanging out of bed.

Longer legs can help you run fast. Faster than toddlers, anyway. 

People hesitate to beat you up. Is that true?

And finally, everybody assumes it's cool to be tall so you get lots of compliments. Alrighty.

And there you have it. Be glad to be whatever you are.

 THE END

Jane Austen's Anger Management

In Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth teaches us not to talk about people behind their backs, when she learns that she’s been mistaken about Darcy all along. Emma teaches us not to lash out at people for being silly, as she faces remorse for her treatment of Ms. Bates. Catherine Moreland of Northanger Abbey reminds us not to jump to conclusions, and in Persuasion, Anne Elliot regrets her hastily broken engagement, teaching us to be patient and give relationships a chance.

Jane Austen’s characters can teach us a lot about what not to do, and give us some practical, problem-solving advice. For both empathy and healthy boundaries, I give you...

Examples in Etiquette from the Books 

When you’re having a hard time or somebody ticks you off, it’s easy to feel justified in rudeness. Especially if you happen to be right this time. But don’t do it. Keep a cool head, remembering that “Angry people are not always wise,” as taught by Jane Austen in Pride and Prejudice.

We hope that all the meanies will confront their traumatic childhoods and seek professional counseling, but until they take that step, here are five important tips for dealing with the people who behave badly.

1      Keep Your Sense of Humor

 When Mr. Darcy insulted Elizabeth (Pride and Prejudice) upon their first meeting, she had such fun laughing about it with her friends. Did she like it? No. Was he out of line? Of course. But mean people say the most unimaginably ridiculous things that you can't help but laugh at times. Indeed, in my years of customer service, the most insanely unreasonable people made the greatest stories. Without ever breaching confidentiality, we still have some good laughs over the crazies. Just remember, if you are mean, you expose yourself to ridicule.

2     Don’t Deal with Them at All

 Never seek the opportunity to be abused. Avoid jerks when you can and be brief when you must. Polite excuses are hard to find fault with. Remember that while Elizabeth disliked Darcy, she treated him with civility. It’s the “I think you’re psycho but I’m going to just smile and say ‘hello’ for a minute before I make a modest exit” approach.

If you’re mean to somebody, don’t be surprised if they give polite reasons not to hang out with you.

 Kill Them with Kindness

Mrs. Elton, in the book Emma, was always bragging, butting in, giving unsolicited advice and bossing people around. She took over other people’s parties and conversations, demanded to be the center of attention and made others bow to her schedule. Worse still, she became insulted when anyone opposed her. 

Her attitude bothered Emma so much that Emma decided to give a party for her. What’s the benefit? Emma kept herself unspotted from scandal by not openly decrying Mrs. Elton’s idiocy. Emma was so nice, that she elevated herself. Nobody could accuse her of being like Mrs. Elton. 

4    Confront the Problem

Both big and small problems should be confronted and discussed at the time they occur. Waiting on the little things makes your argument less potent and you just build up resentment that nobody knows about and sounds stupid when it’s finally brought to light. Speak up!

Waiting on the big issues might make you a villain. Abuse needs to be stopped. Austen fans will remember that Mr. Darcy confronted Wickham as soon as he learned of the creeper’s plans to seduce Darcy’s teenage sister,  and didn't wait around. When I found someone verbally abusing my kid, I stepped in to protect my son. Standing up for the innocent is of the greatest importance. Stand up for yourself too.

5     Try to Win Them Over

I would try this one for about one second if the person is very rude and maybe a month if they’re just misunderstood. I would try for a time, and then leave. Not having any other option, Fanny Price, the heroine of Mansfield Park, tried it for years and was eventually rewarded with the faith of her guardians and the love of Edmund. Since leaving was out of the question, she made the best of the situation, Cinderella style.

Most people can be won over, I think. It helps to pray for them. As Mr. Knightley told Emma, “The truest friend does not doubt, but hope.” All the people I’ve succeeded at befriending were brought to reason in a matter of days. The ones who “got away” may not be worth the effort.

I hope they are.

I hope for friendship everywhere I look. But that’s up to them. 

And now, some of my most humble opinions on Having Your Say...

Try to stay calm, and make sure it’s important. For instance, I once asked someone if she'd found a craft idea on Pinterest and she got annoyed and said so. I'm in agreement that Pinterest is super offensive and controversial. All those craft ideas, especially. What could I have been thinking? 

Anger makes everything seem important, but later on, it might just be petty.

How do you tell if your argument is valid? How will you know if the logic is winning or the anger?

Are your words insulting? Do you make personal remarks? Do you want to be right or to do the right thing? Are you intending to help? How would you feel if someone used the same arguments against you? What would Jesus do?

If your complaints are true and real, does that justify any kind of action? If so, how much and what kind?

For scope and my own amusement, here is a list of scenarios and appropriate responses.

• Your kid is annoying you.                            Give more hugs and attention, or take a break.
• Somebody  else's kid is annoying you.        Walk away or kindly ask the child to walk away.
• You're sick, tired or depressed.                    Avoid situations and people you can't handle.
• You have no patience left.                            Ask for help.
• You want to be in charge of everybody.      Not here, Hitler. Chill out. Get therapy.
• Someone was really mean to you.               Use your words, don't try to hurt them back.
• Somebody thinks you're acting weird.         You probably are. Relax and enjoy it. 
• The annoyances just won't stop!                   Take a time out. Ask for help.

When is it OK to use mean words? Never. 
When is it OK to hit someone? When they try to kill you. 
When is it OK to (yell) raise your voice?  Emergencies and sporting events. 

Afraid of confrontation? It is OK to write a letter. Just think it through over several days.  Just as Mr. Darcy later regretted his rude salutation, our letters, emails and posts may come back to haunt us. Documents last longer than spoken word, and can be reproduced by others long after you've forgotten your reason for writing. 

In almost every situation... 

This axiom from Disneys Bambi is true. "If you cant say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all."

For everything else...

Jesus, the Master of empathy and forgiveness, taught, “So in everything, do unto others as you would have them do unto you, for this sums up the law and the prophets.”

And that sums up this blog.

Until next time, please remember not to elope without an income. 

XOXOXOXO

Abby

Fun Reminiscences On Pregnancy

Do you still remember being pregnant? Was it fun or miserable? (Misery makes the best stories!) If you remember, want to remember or are preggo right now, you might enjoy these.

Top 10 Most Hilariously Annoying Things About Being Pregnant.

10. Pregnancy Brain

When you can't process simple instructions, can't remember what you were going to do next, or you forget what you were saying right in the middle of your sentence... you might have pregnancy brain. You can't understand the answer to your own question. "The Rubiks Cube works HOW again?"  "Bleg. I can't process anything you're saying. Don't make me call tech support. Don't make me call tech support!"

9. Extra Paranoia

Cheers. Just for you. Movies you used to like now cause anxiety. People you used to like cause anxiety. Don't even think about watching the news or discussing politics. It's too much. Try not to argue with anyone. Those hormones make everything seem worse than it is and you'll end up saying things you'll regret.

8. Weird Dreams

When your boss shows up on a panel (in Cuba) of your least favorite relatives to discuss your messy house and bad hair, that qualifies as a nightmare. If your offspring is suddenly a tomato or kitten, that's definitely weird. When you dream of sleeping, you know you're tired. If your bad dream count goes from 0-1 per night up to 5-10, chalk that up to Extra Paranoia. Ooh! And if candy grows on trees, you're very lucky and should stay asleep a little longer.

7. Fatigue Beyond Any Reasonable Expectation

You spend most of your time lying down, or wishing you were. It wouldn't be so bad if you could sleep at night. Waking up hungry, walking to the bathroom, waking up thirsty, walking to the bathroom, waking up too hot, walking to the bathroom, and surviving one more weird dream all cut into precious sleep time. Lucky you could fall asleep at all, what with all that beautiful extra paranoia running through your pregnancy brain, and all those inexplicable aches and pains.

6. Morning And Any-Time-I'm-Awake Sickness

Some women don't ever get sick, have three-hour labors, and are super good looking. We will not, WILL NOT beat them up. They, after all, are missing out on all the fun. They don't know the joys of suddenly running from a room with one hand clapped over their mouth. The unspeakable power of one word to ruin your moment. The delight of needing food, of hating food, of finally thinking of a food that sounds remotely palatable, of changing your mind about your favorite food for the foreseeable future. Poor saps.

5. Strange Cravings

What is the weirdest thing you've craved? Pickles? Sushi? Seaweed? The special burrito that only your mom can make correctly and is strangely unavailable at three in the morning? With my oldest son, it was peaches and Chinese food. With my youngest, it was steak and fruit juice. Not together. Whatever it is, eat it fast before you don't want it anymore. See number 6.

4. Offensive Odors

Requiring your husband to shower and brush his teeth before kissing you is a bit extreme. Except, well... does he want a kiss or not?

Not everyone has this gift. (Lucky!) What a boon to walk into a room and ask, "Is someone painting?" only to find out that nobody knows what you're talking about. Nobody is painting, nobody ate garlic and there has been no dog food anywhere around in the last three days. Your superpower is too good. Too bad that doesn't help your appetite.Taking a walk, that turns into a run, might look like Godzilla has arrived, but no. Your neighbors are just having fried chicken for dinner. Abominable stuff.


3. Inexplicable Aches And Pains

My foot. My back. My head. My everything hurts.

Why????

I don't know. But, take a bath, get a massage and do some stretches. Drink plenty of water and try to lay off the junk food. Get some exercise. And remember hot packs and cold packs and body pillows and acetaminophen. Bless the inventors of these helpful contrivances.

2. The Shrinking Clothes

Sadly, these are not the magic clothes that make you shrink. They seem to shrink themselves from one day to the next. We knew there was a reason our favorite jeans feel so tight.

What is there left to wear when you're right in between regular and maternity? Compromise. Maternity pants and regular shirts. Or dresses every day. (But not those accursed pantyhose.) Or, my personal favorite, stay in your pajamas all day long. When that gets depressing, just buy a size up. These might fit you again after the baby comes and be good transitional clothes.

My Favorite Clothing Story

While I was 5  months along with my younger son, I was asked to be a bridesmaid. (Ha ha! Go special-order a dress that won't fit you by the time it's ready to wear.) It worked out, but only because I was lucky enough to find a dress off the rack, a few days before the occasion. It's not even maternity but it accommodated a seven-month belly, due to its gathered empire waist that fits every shape.  I still wear it.

1. Unsolicited Advice from Strangers

What is the deal with all kinds of people walking up to you, assuming you're pregnant (what if you're just fat?) and asking a lot of questions? "When are you due? Boy or girl? Is it your first? No?" Noticeable disappointment. Your pregnancy is less the miracle somehow. But it's still everybody's business. "Let me give you some advice that you don't want and find a little disturbing, coupled with my own personal stories to bore and terrify you."

To be fair, it's not all bad. Sometimes people will just be nice and give you their seat, or bring you a cup of water, or let you cut in line to the bathroom. (One man stopped a bus for me because he thought I was on my way to the hospital! Ha ha!) They might give you extra French fries when you're hungry or reassure you that everything will most likely be fine. These are all useful and welcome.

And the advice and personal stories weren't really that bad. The first hundred times. But wow! Can we stop now? Can we stop after the next hundred? Is there an end in sight? One mistake I made was... the train. The whole crowd of passengers all simultaneously advising, arguing about which old wives tale is right. And the worst part? You can't walk away. (Probably this is worst-case scenario and easily avoided. To test this theory, go ride the public transportation with an obvious bump and see what happens. Report back here and best of luck to you.)


My Favorite Happy Memory

I loved feeling my boys move for the first time, and every time. Just knowing that they were okay and would soon make their debut into MY arms was the thrill of a lifetime. (I'll have to remember this when they become teenagers.) The love makes it all worth it, And yes, I would do it all again.

Okay, so there are a few things I would change. For instance, riding the train. Otherwise, not much. I love my boys. I wanted them, they're here, and I still like them. I will chalk this up to The Inexplicable Love of Children Who Wake You Up at Night and Whine During Daylight Hours. But, that's another blog.

Dear Non-Sustainers, I Don't Care

Apparently some people attended the LDS General Conference just to NOT sustain the church leaders. Do You Know what I think about that? 

NOTHING.

Here's why.

The Prophet is still called of God.

I believe that Jesus Christ calls prophets today because He loves us. I believe that Thomas S. Monson is one of them, a duly authorized servant of God. If all the members worldwide simultaneously left the church and no one remained except the Prophet, that would not change his calling, office or authority. If we had created the office of the President of the Church, then we could remove him. Since God is the one who made the office and the person filling it, all authority and power can and do operate completely independent of the members' belief in it.

Freedom of Speech.

We the People are guaranteed freedom of expression by the same Constitutional Amendment that allows us freedom of press, worship and peaceful assembly (AKA, the Conference and the Ensign) and the right to petition the government for redress of grievances. People can make any statement they want. The dissenters in question weren't even disrespectful. All who opposed the appointment of the Church leaders were invited to manifest it. That's what they did. As far as I'm concerned, they can do it again and bring their friends. (More people on holy ground hearing a prophet's voice? For sure!) Other people's choice in religious beliefs is nothing to get mad about. They can worship. They can sustain. They can protest. Lest we forget, freedom is a good thing. (See Article of Faith 11)

There have been protesters at Temple Square during General Conference for years. This time, they came inside. Good. Maybe they'll have felt the Spirit. If they meant it as a mockery, they will want somebody to pay attention. I don't propose to do that.

I remember leaving the Conference Center on one occasion and hearing the some rude, mocking and slanderous words shouted by protesting individuals. They were arousing some contention among some members but the vast majority of us pressed forward, iron rod style. At that moment, the words of Nephi entered my mind, and have stayed with me ever since.

 "We heeded them not."

 The great and spacious building was not our goal. Not worth any expenditure of effort. (See 1Nephi 8:33)

So, yeah. I really am not upset that people came to Conference who oppose the church leaders. If they violated their covenants, they have hurt themselves and their families and that is sad. However, I feel only pity for them. I am not angry, offended, put out or frustrated. I don't even know who the people are or why they did it. I did not read the articles about them. I simply do not care.

Can they hurt the Church?

Ah, you make me laugh. All they did was not sustain. Big whoop de do. Maybe if they formed a mob and locked up/tarred and feathered the Prophet--oh wait. That's been done and the Church is still here. Maybe if the mob attacked and killed the LDS Church leaders-- or if it were legal to kill Mormons-- or if they were all arrested, beaten, robbed and driven out of the country then that would hurt the Church.

Or not.

Joseph Smith wrote,

"No unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, calumny may defame, but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly and independent, till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear; till the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done." (From The Wentworth Letter)

None of these calamities will destroy the Church if it is true, and none of them are necessary if it is not. We, as members, are not that perfect. Or even close. We give offense. We get angry. Sometimes we don't forgive. Sometimes we don't repent. Sometimes we are blinded by pride or our own desires. If a testimony came from our neighbors instead of God, the church would die in a few short years.

Or, as one man put it, "If the Church weren't true, the missionaries would have ruined it years ago." Not that there aren't great members and missionaries. It's just that some are, shall we say, not quite mature. This friend of mine was one who painted an American flag on the top of his car and paraded around England on July 4, so he's an expert in the above category.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints survives only because it is true. Only God could produce a worldwide church out of the disaster that once faced it. Persecutions did and do rage. Mobs have combined. Armies have assembled and calumny continues to defame. But the truth of God goes forth boldly, nobly and independent. It has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, continues to sweep every country and is in the process of sounding in every ear. The Church is stronger today than it has ever been. It will continue until the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done.

I am a Mormon because it brings me peace. I only "follow the Prophet" when I receive a confirming witness from the Holy Ghost that the words are true and that is what I should do. Funny how I receive it every time. The work of the Lord is fulfilling, wondrous and inspiring. I want to do it. I won't waste time by focusing my energy on the great and spacious building. I will not ask it why it doesn't like me. I want to follow Christ.

The Church is true. The Gospel is real. Jesus Christ lives today and is at the Head of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Father in Heaven is real, alive and very involved in all of our lives. He answers prayers because He loves us and will answer any question we ask with real intent. I know that. And so can you. If you want.

Helping Kids Prepare and Learn from General Conference

I love General Conference. To me it feels like Christmas, and not just because I can stay in my pajamas all day. Christmas and Conference have a lot in common. We  get to feel the spirit of Christ, we get to be with family and, if we're lucky, we get to revel in a whole day of unscheduled bliss. (The extra benefit of Conference is that it comes twice a year and the traffic is way better.) The downside of Conference, as with Christmas, is that it's over all too soon. I want to make the most of it and focus on what really matters.

This year I decided to prepare. Not just come with a question, but actually do some work in advance. The reason is simple mathematics.

1. X= effort and Y= results.
2. X=Y.  
3. Therefore 0X=0Y and 385X=385Y

Simply stated, you get out what you put in.

All the speakers prepare what they will say, but do we prepare to hear? The answer is yes! I made a goal to watch all of my Conference DVD's before the big day. My hubby began reading a Conference talk daily. What do we do for our kids? My friend Donna had some great ideas.

First, she sits down with them and explains what the conference is for and what they will be doing. I'd like to ask the kiddos if they have any special questions or goals.

Next, she comes up with a way to help them learn from the talks. There are two basic approaches, the intrinsic and the extrinsic reward.

Since my kids are small and have trouble sitting still for long periods of time, I already know that I won't hear all the talks. I'll be helping the boys to the bathroom or getting them away from the street. To avoid missing all of Conference, it helps to have a plan.

My favorite idea was using treat jars. You fill up several jars with treats, then label the jars with words the kids can listen for: Atonement, Family, Service, Covenant, Plan of Happiness etc. When they hear the word, they get to pick a treat from the corresponding jar. Pretty nifty. (I also know a father who carries a giant roll of quarters with him to his family's TV room. He chooses a word and the first kid who hears it gets a quarter.) This is the extrinsic reward approach and it works well with smaller children.

The intrinsic reward approach focuses on the benefits of learning and feeling the Spirit. It works best with older kids.It might involve taking notes or writing in journals. For older kids or if you want to discourage bribes,simply providing quiet activities my help preserve reverence in your home. My friend puts together a little basket with notepads, colored pencils, gospel-related coloring pages, puzzles, games and other activities for her daughter to use during the sessions. If all else fails, BINGO may help the kids stay occupied so you can listen rather than referee a baseball game.

What to Put In The Jars

Prizes don't have to be edible. Erasers, tops, beads, colored rocks, CTR rings and pass-along cards can all be kid treasures. You could even give them each a treasure box they can try to fill up, symbolizing hidden treasures of knowledge.

The jars can hold materials for a craft that you do together. Crayons, cotton balls, colored paper, beads, ribbons, glitter, stickers. Once you have enough, you can build a house, make a collage or a book. 

The jars can hold puzzle pieces. Once you have them all, you get to put it together. Sort of like gospel knowledge.

Treats could be themed to match the topics. For instance, tiny doughnuts can go in the Eternity jar (because a circle symbolizes eternity) and the Holy Ghost might be Dove chocolate. Truth might be a Golden Nugget and Family might be Hugs and Kisses. Since Jesus ate fish and honeycomb after his resurrection (the story of Easter), Goldfish crackers and Honeycomb cereal might be a fun choice. Endure to the End might be trail mix.

Treats can be healthy too. Word of Wisdom better be a veggie tray. Grapes, berries, raisins, dried fruit and nuts will work in place of candy. In our house, kids won't eat a raisin while they can see a chocolate chip. To get them to choose healthy options, we make them the only options.

With Conference falling on Easter and April 6 (the day the Church was organized) immediately following, I'm pretty excited. Here's what I'm going to do.

1. Practice teaching and listening with the kids as we watch our DVD's this week.
2. Assemble a basket (probably an Easter basket) full of coloring pages, pencils, and scissors.
3. Make a delicious breakfast.
4. Surprise the kids with the prize jars as a last resort.   I'll attach pictures of Jesus to some of the treats.
5. Encourage my kids to write to the speakers and say thank you.
6. Go for a walk between sessions.

Whatever you do, enjoy it. And if you miss some talks, you can look them up on the Church website to read, listen and watch. 

If you want to read more, this blog is pretty cool. I would love to hear about what you do for Conference. 

Why Abortion Is Never Okay

Right away someone is going to tell me why abortion is okay. But don't tell me. Tell that to the child.

Nobody ever does tell the baby their reasons for killing him or her. It's far easier to pretend that there is no baby, no real person. But if somebody were honest enough to do it, the explanation would go like this:

John, (or substitute your favorite name) I find this world to be not that great. I have decided to kill you so you'll be better off. Or, John, this world is overcrowded in the opinion of some people I know and so I'm getting rid of you. John, because you don't  look like me and can't survive without oxygen, food and shelter, I'm going to end your life. John, I think I might find out later that your IQ is well below average. You're gone. John, someone you've never met got raped. This really sucks for you. John, I choose you to die in my place on the twenty-third of this month at eleven o'clock. You don't really have a choice. John, your existence complicates my life and we can't have that. John, I don't want you around so you'll need to die now. Thanks for understanding.

You might have noticed that the child never responds. Because they can't. Just like the trees, the whales, and the entire endangered species list. Somebody has to speak for them.

I speak for the babies.

Empathy teaches us compassion. You might find some here. You might also find some hard truths and unwanted perspective. I won't sugar coat it. Whether it's poisoning the child in the womb, inducing a massive heart attack, or taking a syringe to the brain, there is nothing cute, sweet or polite about an abortion.

1.  Abortion Is Not A Solution. Abortion Requires A Solution

I am filled with sorrow and horror to think that anyone suffers the disgusting and horrific experience of rape. Some of my dear friends have experienced such outrage. I have compassion toward them and anger toward the evil and godless individuals who perpetrated the crimes. More than that, I have faith in God. I believe He can heal the hearts and minds of all who turn to Him for help. He will deal justly with those who commit sin.

Aborting a baby because you've had atrocious crime committed against you, is committing another atrocious crime, literally visiting the sins of the fathers upon the heads of the children. Sorry, but that's not the answer. And it won't remove the scars. Healing from rape will take years whether or not there is a pregnancy AND whether or not the pregnancy is terminated. In view of the fact that so many women feel post-abortion grief, a termination is counter productive to emotional healing. You can read about post-abortion grieving (and physical complications)  here, here, here, here and here.

Rape victims can seek help and eventually heal. It can take a lifetime, but God can heal them. Dead babies can't heal from being dead.

It may be best, for financial, emotional or other reasons, for a woman to NOT have and raise a child, especially when she had no choice, no intention whatever of making one. Women who view the pregnancy with anger, as a reminder of a horrific experience, should place the child for adoption. It's better for the mother and the child. Women who do keep the baby and love him/her, experience a blessing. They receive something good even in the face of so much bad.

2. Infanticide, the Practice of Killing Babies After Birth: Extreme Late-Term Abortion.

In some countries,such as India and China, baby girls are killed simply because the parent(s) wanted a boy. In their worldly sense, boys are more desirable because they are strong, can work hard and don't require a dowry.

"Outrageous!" we say. "Girls are worth just as much as a boy." But we are just as guilty. In the worldly sense of our culture, someone has decided that the mother is more valuable than her child. The mother can work, therefore she costs less. She is stronger and can work harder. The baby, financially speaking, is of much less value. And to the pro-abortion and pro-infanticide crowd, this is all that matters.

To those who truly value equality, no life is more important than another. Everyone deserves a chance.


BUT, BUT, BUT

"But if the mother dies, the baby will die anyway." Probably. But that is true in every pregnancy. We don't know that the mother will die. In an abortion, we don't know that she will live. Here's an idea. What if we stopped deciding who will live and who will die? What if we gave them both a chance?

"But if she has other children, who will take care of them if she dies?" If the mother cares about her children so much, why would she consider killing one of them? Does she really place the value of one of her flesh and blood as lower than another? I'm glad she's not my mom.

"But the mother has people depending on her. People who love and need her." You know why? Because she had a chance to make something with her life. Because she was born. Somebody loved her enough to let her live. Someone did that for me. I am a mother and willing to protect my children even if it means risking my own life. I know that someday I will die. And I can think of no better way to leave this earth than in saving the life of someone else. But I choose that. Nobody is choosing it for me. Abortion takes away somebody else's choice.

3. "What if the child will be born with severe mental disabilities"? 

You mean, what if a child is not the same as everybody else? Welcome to the club. Everyone is different. That doesn't mean we kill them. When a society measures a person's worth based on factors beyond their control, there is something radically wrong with that society. It screams of Nazism.

BUT, BUT, BUT

"The child with such disabilities will likely not live very long anyway." Oh, you value a long life, do you? And exactly how will aborting the child help with that?

"The child's quality of life will be limited." How do you know what the child thinks about his/her life? How did you decide that the lack of some opportunities disqualifies a person from ALL opportunities?

"The child will live in a vegetable state. I would rather die than live that way." You would rather. How do you know the child would rather? Even people in comas can sense things around them. They can hear music, and kind words and funny stories, They can feel loved. They can perceive positive emotions and messages. There are special teachers and schools for educating even bedridden, seemingly comatose individuals. They can learn. They can enjoy their world. I would not rob them of that.

"Disabilities are a huge medical cost." Yes, but there is help. Private organizations and publicly funded disability aid are both available to help cover expenses. And aborting a person in order to save money is the same as killing a person and taking their money.

"But it's expensive for the taxpayers." Stop being a Nazi. Cut taxes and people could afford to give more to charities. Either way, the child does not deserve to die.

"It's too hard to parent a disabled child." And lots of people do it and like it. Read more here. Parenting is not about what you want. It is and has always been a calling of self sacrifice and generosity to others. A truly unselfish person does not create a new life without assuming responsibility for its well being. Such a person will accept the child that they made no matter what kind of challenges come with it.

4. Yes, We Are Talking About A HUMAN BEING

 "It's just a clump of cells. It would never survive on its own." When did you begin judging humanity based on size and shape? That's shallow and abusive.  If you think it's okay to kill a living thing, because it can't survive outside of certain conditions, you've just summed up all of life on Earth.

If it's made of living cells, it's alive. A clump of cells with a heartbeat. Just like you were once. If it's human DNA, it's human. It's a person, not a clump of cells or a tumor. Truly, it would never survive on its own. (Especially if you kill it and deliberately remove it from the womb.) That's all the more reason why we should protect and help it survive. That's why we have parents. And hospitals. We should do all within our power to help save lives. Even small ones.

5. Save the Earth. Stop Having Sex

 Abstinence. It's the only surefire way to prevent pregnancy. You've got to do your part in protecting the earth. Oh, you don't want to do that? How selfish you are. You care about the earth only until it becomes inconvenient for you. Don't tell me you feel like your needs are more important than the earth. No human life could ever, ever, ever be more important than this fantastic rock we live on. (Or don't live on--depending on if we've been aborted or not.)

Have you considered the environmental implications involved in the chemicals used in birth control? The manufacture of the drugs? And the condoms? And the packaging? (It's not sustainable.) And the excesses of having an unnecessary medical procedure! Shame on you.

All sarcasm aside, higher populations do not hurt the earth. It's what the people do while on the earth that makes the difference. Stop the pesticides and herbicides and all the toxic and unnecessary chemicals used in so many factories. Have some kids and teach them sustainable practices so they can help the future generations on the earth when you are no longer around. That would help the earth.

"But there are already so many children in orphanages. It would be irresponsible to make any of my own." Actually, it's only irresponsible if you kill or don't take care of them. Feel free to adopt as well.

6. Being Aborted Is NEVER BEST FOR THE CHILD

 It is not your job to keep people from experiencing a world that you think is not great. It is your job to make it great. Maybe they would grow up and agree that the world is not perfect. But they might love it. Smelling a flower, playing in the snow, giving a hug, hearing a story or watching the stars are all free and bring delight to children and adults alike. A little gratitude and optimism go a long way.

The joy of holding your own child, (and the joy of making one,) the pleasure of sweet music, gorgeous sunsets, funny comedians, amazing feats of courage and skill, and the light that comes into the eyes of a person when they realize that they are loved, are all denied the aborted human being. All the pleasures and happiness you have, all the things you enjoy, you would take them away?

(By the way, if you hate the world and wish you had been aborted, please seek professional counseling. Your life is valuable.)

The pro-abortion arguments that make no sense at all: 

"BUT the child might lack opportunities." Dead children have NO opportunities.

"The world is dangerous and full of evil." Yes, People kill their own children. 

"Life is full of disappointments." You don't kill people because you are disappointed. 

Abortion is wrong and there's no excuse for it. And thank you for not being my parent.