Dear Non-Sustainers, I Don't Care

Apparently some people attended the LDS General Conference just to NOT sustain the church leaders. Do You Know what I think about that? 

NOTHING.

Here's why.

The Prophet is still called of God.

I believe that Jesus Christ calls prophets today because He loves us. I believe that Thomas S. Monson is one of them, a duly authorized servant of God. If all the members worldwide simultaneously left the church and no one remained except the Prophet, that would not change his calling, office or authority. If we had created the office of the President of the Church, then we could remove him. Since God is the one who made the office and the person filling it, all authority and power can and do operate completely independent of the members' belief in it.

Freedom of Speech.

We the People are guaranteed freedom of expression by the same Constitutional Amendment that allows us freedom of press, worship and peaceful assembly (AKA, the Conference and the Ensign) and the right to petition the government for redress of grievances. People can make any statement they want. The dissenters in question weren't even disrespectful. All who opposed the appointment of the Church leaders were invited to manifest it. That's what they did. As far as I'm concerned, they can do it again and bring their friends. (More people on holy ground hearing a prophet's voice? For sure!) Other people's choice in religious beliefs is nothing to get mad about. They can worship. They can sustain. They can protest. Lest we forget, freedom is a good thing. (See Article of Faith 11)

There have been protesters at Temple Square during General Conference for years. This time, they came inside. Good. Maybe they'll have felt the Spirit. If they meant it as a mockery, they will want somebody to pay attention. I don't propose to do that.

I remember leaving the Conference Center on one occasion and hearing the some rude, mocking and slanderous words shouted by protesting individuals. They were arousing some contention among some members but the vast majority of us pressed forward, iron rod style. At that moment, the words of Nephi entered my mind, and have stayed with me ever since.

 "We heeded them not."

 The great and spacious building was not our goal. Not worth any expenditure of effort. (See 1Nephi 8:33)

So, yeah. I really am not upset that people came to Conference who oppose the church leaders. If they violated their covenants, they have hurt themselves and their families and that is sad. However, I feel only pity for them. I am not angry, offended, put out or frustrated. I don't even know who the people are or why they did it. I did not read the articles about them. I simply do not care.

Can they hurt the Church?

Ah, you make me laugh. All they did was not sustain. Big whoop de do. Maybe if they formed a mob and locked up/tarred and feathered the Prophet--oh wait. That's been done and the Church is still here. Maybe if the mob attacked and killed the LDS Church leaders-- or if it were legal to kill Mormons-- or if they were all arrested, beaten, robbed and driven out of the country then that would hurt the Church.

Or not.

Joseph Smith wrote,

"No unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing; persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, calumny may defame, but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly and independent, till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear; till the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done." (From The Wentworth Letter)

None of these calamities will destroy the Church if it is true, and none of them are necessary if it is not. We, as members, are not that perfect. Or even close. We give offense. We get angry. Sometimes we don't forgive. Sometimes we don't repent. Sometimes we are blinded by pride or our own desires. If a testimony came from our neighbors instead of God, the church would die in a few short years.

Or, as one man put it, "If the Church weren't true, the missionaries would have ruined it years ago." Not that there aren't great members and missionaries. It's just that some are, shall we say, not quite mature. This friend of mine was one who painted an American flag on the top of his car and paraded around England on July 4, so he's an expert in the above category.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints survives only because it is true. Only God could produce a worldwide church out of the disaster that once faced it. Persecutions did and do rage. Mobs have combined. Armies have assembled and calumny continues to defame. But the truth of God goes forth boldly, nobly and independent. It has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, continues to sweep every country and is in the process of sounding in every ear. The Church is stronger today than it has ever been. It will continue until the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done.

I am a Mormon because it brings me peace. I only "follow the Prophet" when I receive a confirming witness from the Holy Ghost that the words are true and that is what I should do. Funny how I receive it every time. The work of the Lord is fulfilling, wondrous and inspiring. I want to do it. I won't waste time by focusing my energy on the great and spacious building. I will not ask it why it doesn't like me. I want to follow Christ.

The Church is true. The Gospel is real. Jesus Christ lives today and is at the Head of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Father in Heaven is real, alive and very involved in all of our lives. He answers prayers because He loves us and will answer any question we ask with real intent. I know that. And so can you. If you want.

Helping Kids Prepare and Learn from General Conference

I love General Conference. To me it feels like Christmas, and not just because I can stay in my pajamas all day. Christmas and Conference have a lot in common. We  get to feel the spirit of Christ, we get to be with family and, if we're lucky, we get to revel in a whole day of unscheduled bliss. (The extra benefit of Conference is that it comes twice a year and the traffic is way better.) The downside of Conference, as with Christmas, is that it's over all too soon. I want to make the most of it and focus on what really matters.

This year I decided to prepare. Not just come with a question, but actually do some work in advance. The reason is simple mathematics.

1. X= effort and Y= results.
2. X=Y.  
3. Therefore 0X=0Y and 385X=385Y

Simply stated, you get out what you put in.

All the speakers prepare what they will say, but do we prepare to hear? The answer is yes! I made a goal to watch all of my Conference DVD's before the big day. My hubby began reading a Conference talk daily. What do we do for our kids? My friend Donna had some great ideas.

First, she sits down with them and explains what the conference is for and what they will be doing. I'd like to ask the kiddos if they have any special questions or goals.

Next, she comes up with a way to help them learn from the talks. There are two basic approaches, the intrinsic and the extrinsic reward.

Since my kids are small and have trouble sitting still for long periods of time, I already know that I won't hear all the talks. I'll be helping the boys to the bathroom or getting them away from the street. To avoid missing all of Conference, it helps to have a plan.

My favorite idea was using treat jars. You fill up several jars with treats, then label the jars with words the kids can listen for: Atonement, Family, Service, Covenant, Plan of Happiness etc. When they hear the word, they get to pick a treat from the corresponding jar. Pretty nifty. (I also know a father who carries a giant roll of quarters with him to his family's TV room. He chooses a word and the first kid who hears it gets a quarter.) This is the extrinsic reward approach and it works well with smaller children.

The intrinsic reward approach focuses on the benefits of learning and feeling the Spirit. It works best with older kids.It might involve taking notes or writing in journals. For older kids or if you want to discourage bribes,simply providing quiet activities my help preserve reverence in your home. My friend puts together a little basket with notepads, colored pencils, gospel-related coloring pages, puzzles, games and other activities for her daughter to use during the sessions. If all else fails, BINGO may help the kids stay occupied so you can listen rather than referee a baseball game.

What to Put In The Jars

Prizes don't have to be edible. Erasers, tops, beads, colored rocks, CTR rings and pass-along cards can all be kid treasures. You could even give them each a treasure box they can try to fill up, symbolizing hidden treasures of knowledge.

The jars can hold materials for a craft that you do together. Crayons, cotton balls, colored paper, beads, ribbons, glitter, stickers. Once you have enough, you can build a house, make a collage or a book. 

The jars can hold puzzle pieces. Once you have them all, you get to put it together. Sort of like gospel knowledge.

Treats could be themed to match the topics. For instance, tiny doughnuts can go in the Eternity jar (because a circle symbolizes eternity) and the Holy Ghost might be Dove chocolate. Truth might be a Golden Nugget and Family might be Hugs and Kisses. Since Jesus ate fish and honeycomb after his resurrection (the story of Easter), Goldfish crackers and Honeycomb cereal might be a fun choice. Endure to the End might be trail mix.

Treats can be healthy too. Word of Wisdom better be a veggie tray. Grapes, berries, raisins, dried fruit and nuts will work in place of candy. In our house, kids won't eat a raisin while they can see a chocolate chip. To get them to choose healthy options, we make them the only options.

With Conference falling on Easter and April 6 (the day the Church was organized) immediately following, I'm pretty excited. Here's what I'm going to do.

1. Practice teaching and listening with the kids as we watch our DVD's this week.
2. Assemble a basket (probably an Easter basket) full of coloring pages, pencils, and scissors.
3. Make a delicious breakfast.
4. Surprise the kids with the prize jars as a last resort.   I'll attach pictures of Jesus to some of the treats.
5. Encourage my kids to write to the speakers and say thank you.
6. Go for a walk between sessions.

Whatever you do, enjoy it. And if you miss some talks, you can look them up on the Church website to read, listen and watch. 

If you want to read more, this blog is pretty cool. I would love to hear about what you do for Conference. 

Why Abortion Is Never Okay

Right away someone is going to tell me why abortion is okay. But don't tell me. Tell that to the child.

Nobody ever does tell the baby their reasons for killing him or her. It's far easier to pretend that there is no baby, no real person. But if somebody were honest enough to do it, the explanation would go like this:

John, (or substitute your favorite name) I find this world to be not that great. I have decided to kill you so you'll be better off. Or, John, this world is overcrowded in the opinion of some people I know and so I'm getting rid of you. John, because you don't  look like me and can't survive without oxygen, food and shelter, I'm going to end your life. John, I think I might find out later that your IQ is well below average. You're gone. John, someone you've never met got raped. This really sucks for you. John, I choose you to die in my place on the twenty-third of this month at eleven o'clock. You don't really have a choice. John, your existence complicates my life and we can't have that. John, I don't want you around so you'll need to die now. Thanks for understanding.

You might have noticed that the child never responds. Because they can't. Just like the trees, the whales, and the entire endangered species list. Somebody has to speak for them.

I speak for the babies.

Empathy teaches us compassion. You might find some here. You might also find some hard truths and unwanted perspective. I won't sugar coat it. Whether it's poisoning the child in the womb, inducing a massive heart attack, or taking a syringe to the brain, there is nothing cute, sweet or polite about an abortion.

1.  Abortion Is Not A Solution. Abortion Requires A Solution

I am filled with sorrow and horror to think that anyone suffers the disgusting and horrific experience of rape. Some of my dear friends have experienced such outrage. I have compassion toward them and anger toward the evil and godless individuals who perpetrated the crimes. More than that, I have faith in God. I believe He can heal the hearts and minds of all who turn to Him for help. He will deal justly with those who commit sin.

Aborting a baby because you've had atrocious crime committed against you, is committing another atrocious crime, literally visiting the sins of the fathers upon the heads of the children. Sorry, but that's not the answer. And it won't remove the scars. Healing from rape will take years whether or not there is a pregnancy AND whether or not the pregnancy is terminated. In view of the fact that so many women feel post-abortion grief, a termination is counter productive to emotional healing. You can read about post-abortion grieving (and physical complications)  here, here, here, here and here.

Rape victims can seek help and eventually heal. It can take a lifetime, but God can heal them. Dead babies can't heal from being dead.

It may be best, for financial, emotional or other reasons, for a woman to NOT have and raise a child, especially when she had no choice, no intention whatever of making one. Women who view the pregnancy with anger, as a reminder of a horrific experience, should place the child for adoption. It's better for the mother and the child. Women who do keep the baby and love him/her, experience a blessing. They receive something good even in the face of so much bad.

2. Infanticide, the Practice of Killing Babies After Birth: Extreme Late-Term Abortion.

In some countries,such as India and China, baby girls are killed simply because the parent(s) wanted a boy. In their worldly sense, boys are more desirable because they are strong, can work hard and don't require a dowry.

"Outrageous!" we say. "Girls are worth just as much as a boy." But we are just as guilty. In the worldly sense of our culture, someone has decided that the mother is more valuable than her child. The mother can work, therefore she costs less. She is stronger and can work harder. The baby, financially speaking, is of much less value. And to the pro-abortion and pro-infanticide crowd, this is all that matters.

To those who truly value equality, no life is more important than another. Everyone deserves a chance.


BUT, BUT, BUT

"But if the mother dies, the baby will die anyway." Probably. But that is true in every pregnancy. We don't know that the mother will die. In an abortion, we don't know that she will live. Here's an idea. What if we stopped deciding who will live and who will die? What if we gave them both a chance?

"But if she has other children, who will take care of them if she dies?" If the mother cares about her children so much, why would she consider killing one of them? Does she really place the value of one of her flesh and blood as lower than another? I'm glad she's not my mom.

"But the mother has people depending on her. People who love and need her." You know why? Because she had a chance to make something with her life. Because she was born. Somebody loved her enough to let her live. Someone did that for me. I am a mother and willing to protect my children even if it means risking my own life. I know that someday I will die. And I can think of no better way to leave this earth than in saving the life of someone else. But I choose that. Nobody is choosing it for me. Abortion takes away somebody else's choice.

3. "What if the child will be born with severe mental disabilities"? 

You mean, what if a child is not the same as everybody else? Welcome to the club. Everyone is different. That doesn't mean we kill them. When a society measures a person's worth based on factors beyond their control, there is something radically wrong with that society. It screams of Nazism.

BUT, BUT, BUT

"The child with such disabilities will likely not live very long anyway." Oh, you value a long life, do you? And exactly how will aborting the child help with that?

"The child's quality of life will be limited." How do you know what the child thinks about his/her life? How did you decide that the lack of some opportunities disqualifies a person from ALL opportunities?

"The child will live in a vegetable state. I would rather die than live that way." You would rather. How do you know the child would rather? Even people in comas can sense things around them. They can hear music, and kind words and funny stories, They can feel loved. They can perceive positive emotions and messages. There are special teachers and schools for educating even bedridden, seemingly comatose individuals. They can learn. They can enjoy their world. I would not rob them of that.

"Disabilities are a huge medical cost." Yes, but there is help. Private organizations and publicly funded disability aid are both available to help cover expenses. And aborting a person in order to save money is the same as killing a person and taking their money.

"But it's expensive for the taxpayers." Stop being a Nazi. Cut taxes and people could afford to give more to charities. Either way, the child does not deserve to die.

"It's too hard to parent a disabled child." And lots of people do it and like it. Read more here. Parenting is not about what you want. It is and has always been a calling of self sacrifice and generosity to others. A truly unselfish person does not create a new life without assuming responsibility for its well being. Such a person will accept the child that they made no matter what kind of challenges come with it.

4. Yes, We Are Talking About A HUMAN BEING

 "It's just a clump of cells. It would never survive on its own." When did you begin judging humanity based on size and shape? That's shallow and abusive.  If you think it's okay to kill a living thing, because it can't survive outside of certain conditions, you've just summed up all of life on Earth.

If it's made of living cells, it's alive. A clump of cells with a heartbeat. Just like you were once. If it's human DNA, it's human. It's a person, not a clump of cells or a tumor. Truly, it would never survive on its own. (Especially if you kill it and deliberately remove it from the womb.) That's all the more reason why we should protect and help it survive. That's why we have parents. And hospitals. We should do all within our power to help save lives. Even small ones.

5. Save the Earth. Stop Having Sex

 Abstinence. It's the only surefire way to prevent pregnancy. You've got to do your part in protecting the earth. Oh, you don't want to do that? How selfish you are. You care about the earth only until it becomes inconvenient for you. Don't tell me you feel like your needs are more important than the earth. No human life could ever, ever, ever be more important than this fantastic rock we live on. (Or don't live on--depending on if we've been aborted or not.)

Have you considered the environmental implications involved in the chemicals used in birth control? The manufacture of the drugs? And the condoms? And the packaging? (It's not sustainable.) And the excesses of having an unnecessary medical procedure! Shame on you.

All sarcasm aside, higher populations do not hurt the earth. It's what the people do while on the earth that makes the difference. Stop the pesticides and herbicides and all the toxic and unnecessary chemicals used in so many factories. Have some kids and teach them sustainable practices so they can help the future generations on the earth when you are no longer around. That would help the earth.

"But there are already so many children in orphanages. It would be irresponsible to make any of my own." Actually, it's only irresponsible if you kill or don't take care of them. Feel free to adopt as well.

6. Being Aborted Is NEVER BEST FOR THE CHILD

 It is not your job to keep people from experiencing a world that you think is not great. It is your job to make it great. Maybe they would grow up and agree that the world is not perfect. But they might love it. Smelling a flower, playing in the snow, giving a hug, hearing a story or watching the stars are all free and bring delight to children and adults alike. A little gratitude and optimism go a long way.

The joy of holding your own child, (and the joy of making one,) the pleasure of sweet music, gorgeous sunsets, funny comedians, amazing feats of courage and skill, and the light that comes into the eyes of a person when they realize that they are loved, are all denied the aborted human being. All the pleasures and happiness you have, all the things you enjoy, you would take them away?

(By the way, if you hate the world and wish you had been aborted, please seek professional counseling. Your life is valuable.)

The pro-abortion arguments that make no sense at all: 

"BUT the child might lack opportunities." Dead children have NO opportunities.

"The world is dangerous and full of evil." Yes, People kill their own children. 

"Life is full of disappointments." You don't kill people because you are disappointed. 

Abortion is wrong and there's no excuse for it. And thank you for not being my parent.

Why I Didn't Wait to Have Children

As Latter-Day Saints, we have an interesting culture. We believe in having children, and anytime a couple is newly married, we assume that they want and will have kids. We assume that they will have a child within two years, and probably more than one child at some point. We are not bad people for having these assumptions; they're often based on real life and what we've seen. The problem arises when we carry our assumptions too far, and start telling people they have to fit into a mold based on our expectations.

I have been guilty of this. Based on my perception of today's Latter-Day Saint culture (notice I said culture, not doctrine) I assumed that a  couple who did not announce pregnancy in the early stages of marriage was "waiting".  Boy, was I wrong! They had wanted children from day one and my verbalized assumptions caused them pain. I was told in no uncertain terms to "Mind my own business!"

I was shocked. Everywhere I went, people asked other people when and how many children they planned to have. It was "normal". When I spoke to this couple, I meant to show them that I supported their right to make decisions about their family. I learned something: supporting them is not my job. Short of being their doctor, bishop or therapist, there is no necessity, no reason whatsoever, for thinking about how many children SOMEONE ELSE wants to create and when. I can't think of any righteous purpose that would be served by it.

As Elder Neil L. Andersen told us in October 2011 General Conference,

 When to have a child and how many children to have are private decisions to be made between a husband and wife and the Lord. These are sacred decisions—decisions that should be made with sincere prayer and acted on with great faith.

There you have it. Not only is it not our decision, it is private. And just like all private things, we have no business speculating about them. If  someone voluntarily shares their decision with us, we should be kind, realizing that they have shared something private and sacred, like a testimony.  We are not being called upon to agree or disagree.


I Come From A Large Family

I grew up in a family that believed and taught that birth control was a literal tool of Satan to prevent Heavenly Father's spirit children from gaining bodies. Anyone who "planned" their family using any method other than abstinence was evil or deceived. I don't particularly like that philosophy, not just because there are legitimate and unselfish reasons for preventing pregnancy (severe medical conditions that require heavy medications, for instance,) and not because it is a seriously harsh judgment we are not called upon to make.

I don't like that philosophy because I've seen many instances where people would have a lot of kids--providing bodies for those spirits--and not pay any/enough attention to the raising of them. I don't want to be a judge of these people. I just feel bad for the kids, so often raising, and raised by, their siblings. I was born in such an environment, and while I do not condemn my parents--they were doing the best they knew how--I wished to approach parenting in a different way.

I Really Like Kids

My whole life I wanted kids--lots of kids! My childhood was not all bad and living with eleven siblings had taught me to love children and want a house full of them. I used to shock people for fun by telling them I wanted fifteen children, never being quite sure I'd find a willing husband.(That number has fluctuated a lot over the years.) When my husband and I became engaged, we took the matter very seriously. He came from a family of three and the full-house concept--and budget! frightened him a little. I wanted babies right away, and he wanted to wait a year. We were both in school and working, not making much money. I knew that it was not my decision. It was OURS. We talked about it. We prayed. We went to the temple. I did research on birth control, namely, finding out what it was.

Here's what we learned: God is the Maker and Sender of all spirits. He has commanded us to multiply and replenish the earth so we can rejoice in our posterity. We know that when the Lord commands He also prepares a way. He will not send us more than we can handle, and He will help us all the way through to the end. We made the decision to... do nothing. We left it in His hands. We would not use birth control unless medically necessary and we never have.

It seems crazy sometimes to think of how poor we were, but never wanted for anything. We never went hungry, never had to move back in with our parents, and we had FUN. We have been so blessed, especially through others--strangers sometimes-- who reached out to help. The Lord really has opened and continues to open the way for us. We have both continued our educations and have not been hindered by being parents. And we have rejoiced.

Our children are so sweet and funny and we wish we could have more. Someday...it's still in the Lord's hands. Meanwhile, we are blessed by our two little boys. When they say, "Mommy, I'm happy. We're a family" it melts my heart. When they cover my desk with drawings of superheroes, I feel like the luckiest woman alive. And when they put their arms around my neck and cuddle at bedtime, I know that this is what Heaven was meant to be like. My little bit of Heaven, here on earth.

"Mommy, I'm happy. We're a family."

I hope that everyone gets to feel their bit of Heaven. No matter what happens, though, let us not judge others for waiting, or not waiting; for wanting many or wanting few; for spacing or not spacing. Let us withdraw our minds from the sacred and private decisions of others. The Lord has it covered and no one is more qualified for the job. For my part, I'd rather be rejoicing.