Youngest Child Problems

I am a youngest  child. I have youngest child attitude (or so I hear, from people who are not youngest children.) I'm told that means I wait for people to do things for me.

Okay, cool. So, somebody else write this blog explaining the tribulations of the unjust familial hierarchy that places the most minor minors at the bottom of the totem pole and the end of every list.

No takers?

Fine! I'll do it myself!

If you're a youngest child, here's what you have to deal with.

Older Siblings Are Jealous. Of You

Really. Even though they get to do EVERYTHING. The older brothers and sisters are always saying, "Mom would never have let me do that. Oh, you have it easy."

I say,

How could I possibly have it easy when you worked so hard to make sure I didn't? And since when do you care about what Mom let you do?

There is only ONE valid reason for them to envy your situation and that is this: Since you're the baby of the family, you might be cute for a while. Great. People give you candy, siblings give you dirty looks.

And then steal your candy.

You Get Your Pick of Hand-Me-Downs

 Good thing you wanted them so much when they were new.

You know how sometimes in family pictures, you can't quite tell if that's you or your sister? Well,wearing the same clothes doesn't help. And guess what else--You never get new toys. I mean, NEVVVVVVVEEERRR.

You Can't Be Trusted to Think on Your Own

You get bossed around. A lot. And by everyone!  You don't get your own way. When you finally ask your now-grown siblings to stop telling you, an adult, what to do, they go with responses like, "You're so immature" or "You're too sensitive." Sheesh.

And that brings us to...


Nobody Ever Listens to You. You Don't Know Anything

Everyone is bigger, stronger and smarter than you. And they always will be. You will never be right. They will never be wrong. It's no use to argue because they'll never admit that you've won. Get used to it or get new friends. Or both.

For the record, I love my siblings.

Your Parents Never Let You Do Stuff

Because no matter how old you are, you're still the baby and that means you're too young. I've never been skiing or to Disneyland for this very reason. Due to the fact that everything is forbidden, you have to try things out secretly, AKA, without help. When they go sour, you get in even worse trouble because you can't blame the big sister. Like the time I wanted to make candles and...

And once you do finally get to try something, it's just old hat. Even if you rock it, it's no more than was expected of you. You do everything last and this brings us to school. You go to school and you're known as so-and-so's sister/brother. For.Eh.Ver. Fantastic. And speaking of school, You might like your older sibling's friends but your siblings don't like your friends because they're little and dumb. Like you.

You Get Tricked and Pranked but Have No One to Trick and Prank

Your siblings tell you all kinds of lies and you believe them. (Bert and Ernie are actually named Banana Head and Hamburger head.) It started with the oldest and he just passed it on. Who is the youngest child supposed to pass it on to? Well, I guess you could pass it back.

I once put a rock in my brother's bed. He didn't actually deserve it since he never tricked me. However, he probably tricked the people who tricked me and taught them how. I think justice was served.

You're Little, You're Small

You get picked on sometimes. Or most times. My siblings made me do their chores. They came in my room and I couldn't make them leave. They played with my toys without my permission. (Needing my permission was not a thing.) And they even hit, kicked, punched, scratched, pinched, wet-willied, hair-pulled, walloped, thunked, bit, socked, whacked, smacked, thwacked, cracked, head-locked, noogied, wedgied, swirlied, tied up, wrapped up, squeezed, teased, ratted-out and threatened me.

(Relax! Most of these were anomalies. Okay, we were kinda messed up.)

I fought back but repercussions inevitably followed. Really, the only thing I could do about it was scream really loud and act like it hurt more than it actually did, so they'd get in worse trouble.

By the way, I'm just kidding.

They didn't give me swirlies.

Want to know what's great about being a youngest child?

You get to see all the stupid ways your older siblings got into trouble and then avoid repeating their mistakes. Like, never yell at your mom. She won't take it well.

Also, my siblings were pretty great overall and did help me out with my chores and homework. Probably a lot more than they wanted to. My mom had the job of supporting our family by herself and couldn't always be around. All we children (all of us kids) had adult-sized responsibilities forced on us early in life. My brothers and sisters did a pretty fantastic job stepping up to them. I'm sorry they had to.

I understand that some people did not go through this and can't relate to my point of view.

Lucky.

As a parent, I'm lucky enough that I can be around more than my mom was. I can be the parent and let them be the kids. I'm snoopy and listen at doors regularly. We don't do bullying and we don't do secrets.  I am, however, particularly vigilant that my youngest son does not get his candy purloined.

I would tell more but I'm all tired out from having to do things myself all day long. I'm going to bed now, but tomorrow, I'll see if I can't persuade one of my siblings to tie my shoes for me.

You never know.